wearingagun | Visitors

Visitors

She hated the hospital. She hated the drugs and the smell and the nurses coming and going. She couldn't get any decent sleep because someone was constantly there to check her stitches or her blood pressure or her temperature. It took a couple days before they eased off on the narcotic drip and she could focus and stay awake. Watch the vid. Raley and Ochoa had been in, as had the Captain and it seemed like half the department. Her oom was full of flowers and balloons and well wishes. The department shrink had been in twice already and Kate knew she was going to have to talk to him at length eventually.

But for now she had a tray of clear liquids, coffee and broth and gelatin. She had the vid on some mindless program about interior design. The day was sunny and Kin City General buzzed with activity around her. It made it easy to think of anything other than being tied to the wall and nearly gutted. It made it easier to forget why she hurt so much right now with her bandaged ribs and her wrist in a cast. No, she didn't think about those things in the daylight. Those thoughts came at night.

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"Please believe me when I say I understand. As a Jedi, I've learned to trust my Masters. To let them guide me and take care of me when I can't take care of myself, but I'm stubborn. Which should come as no surprise to you," she adds with a slight smile. "I want to believe I can be strong enough, that I don't have to rely on anything but the Force. But I've seen where that path leads and I never want to be in the place again."

"You won't have the stitches forever," he said, softly. He took her hand in his and twined their fingers together. "You're not going to get out of it that easy. We're going dancing."

"Look. Kate." His thumb stroked over the top of her hand, following the ridges and dips of her knuckles. "I know you will. You're strong. I don't think much can keep you down. But..." Tereus sighed before he met her gaze. "I'm still going to worry, although I'll try not to crowd you with it. Just don't shut me out. Please."

Beckett took a slow, deep breath. As deep as she could manage, anyway.

"Stubborn. I've heard that word before," she said. "The department has a shrink- a psychiatrist. He's been coming to see me every day, and I have to see him every week while I'm on medical leave. I'm sure I'll tell him something. Eventually."

That gets a look of wide-eyed shock and she blinks a few times before responding. "This psychiatrist must be quite formidable if he can actually get you to talk to him. I'm impressed."

Aayla strokes Kate's cheek once, feeling more relaxed with each passing moment.

"Honestly, though. If he can help you, I hope you will take advantage of the opportunity."

"I promise lots of things I can't really keep." He held her hand in both of his, bringing it to his lips, still looking pained. "Bad habit."

"I won't. Well...okay, let's be honest. I'll try not to. And you can call me on it if I do," she replied. His touch was nice and she smiled softly, looking at her hand in his.

"I'm working on it," she continued. "But it's not easy. I've never been good at it."

Not never...but not since her mother's murder.

"That's all I want." He picked up her hand and kissed at the scraped and battered knuckles, taking care not to move her too quickly. "I don't know that I'm all that good at it either so we'll stumble along together. I'll feed you pizza until you explode and beg me not to order any more, and cheesecake until your pajamas no longer fit."

Placing her hand on the bed, he shifted so he could half sit comfortably without moving her. "Six week, huh?" harkening back to earlier in the conversation. "I should start a pool at the station on how long you last until you're calling the Captain to start coming in half days."

"I won't make you break it," she said softly. His lips felt good. Warm. She hated the hospital...so cold. She felt like she couldn't possibly get enough blankets.

"And then it dawned on her- he was kissing her hand. That was...new. She watched as his lips touched her skin and was a little surprised to find that she didn't mind one bit.

"I don't know how much he'll help, but I need his release to go back to work, so I figure I'll talk. About something," she said quietly. "About...everything. I don't even know what to say. So much of it is jumbled up. So much of it is just...pain."

"Great. I get hurt and you threaten to make me fat," she snorted. "I'll have to work half days just to get you to take the fork out of my mouth."

It made her laugh, as well as she could. It felt good. Normal. Tereus had a way of making her relax and making her smile, even if she didn't think she wanted to. He made things better. She'd do well to not shut him out.

Aayla holds Kate a little tighter, still conscious of her injuries but needing to be close. The pain in her voice hurts to hear and she would do anything to take that pain away.

"Once you open yourself up you'd be surprised what will come. But it's the first step that's the hardest. Letting yourself be vulnerable."

She has something she wants to ask Kate but she finds herself hesitating. Not wanting to hear the answer. But it would be the height of hypocrisy to tell Kate to be open then hide her own fears so she forces the words out. "Did you...how aware we you of what was happening, Kate? How much did you see?"

Her hands were chilled. Dick wanted to crawl in with her until she was warm again, knowing the cold was coming from more than the under heated hospital room. Instead he just ducked his head, forehead to her hand. "I'm so sorry Kate," he said quietly, voice suddenly hoarse, "I'm so sorry I couldn't get there sooner."

"I don't know how much I saw," she replied honestly. "I saw him beating you. I saw him tie you up. I saw him...rape you. And there was blood. A lot of blood. But I kept drifting in and out. It could have been hours...I just don't know."

"How did you even know?" she asked. "He caught me unaware and drugged me and when I woke up...I don't know how you knew. I don't know how anyone knew. I was sure I was going to die there."

"I'm so sorry." She closes her eyes, laying her cheek against Kate's shoulder. She doesn't want to move away but she can't look her in the eye. There are limits. "I wish you hadn't been forced to see. I wish I could have spared you that."

"As soon as I got wind that he'd gotten out during transport I figured the three of you were targets." He shook his head slowly. "But I found out late in the game. He already had hours on me. He'd already gotten to you."

"Me? Aayla, he did it to you. Watching was awful. I wanted to get free and stop him. But what he did...what he did was so cruel. Such a violation. He was...You have nothing to be sorry for. Not to me."

She laughed.

For many reasons, that pleased him. He knew she had so much pain, not only physical but emotional to deal with. And it was still so fresh. Tereus would move the moon to keep things even and sane for her until she was on her feet again on both fronts.

It was his hope that when she was ready, she'd know she could talk with him about it. Until then, he wasn't pushing her.

"Maybe I like that," he teased. "And to know you're kisses will be cheesecake flavored. Like with the blueberry sauce. That's my favorite."

"So you went to Tereus," she said, matter of factly. If it was her, she'd take out the cops before she took on the one who she knew could do real damage. It made sense, in a twisted, criminal, psychopath way.

"What are my kisses like now? Antiseptic and morphine?" she asked, tilting her chin a little to get just that much closer to him.

"I had just checked your apartment when I got word the hit had been taken out on him," he said, his gut twisting. He was already carrying a lot of guilt for the choice he'd made, even if ultimately it hadn't really been a choice at all. Tereus had been one more shot from being dead when Nightwing had arrived.

The tears surprise her, but she doesn't try to hide them. Doesn't bother wiping them away when the first one rolls down her cheek. If there's anyone she doesn't have to hide her tears from right now, it's Kate.

"I thought I could control it. That I could manipulate him long enough to keep us all alive. I thought it wouldn't touch me, that it was just physical pain that I could endure. But it was more than that. We survived, I know that and I know that I had to let him do what he did, but...it still hurts."

He wasn't one to turn down an invitation. Grinning at her, he closed the distance and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth. "And jello. I think hospital food is one of those universal constants. No matter where you go, it's awful."

"I saw the monitor. He had a monitor. There was video of his place," she said. "I didn't see what happened, though. I kept drifting in and out."

"I got the shooter," he said, giving her hand a squeeze, "Tereus' balcony doors were shot out but he was fine. You must have seen the monitor before I got there. I cut it kind of close."

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