Visitors

[wearingagun]

She hated the hospital. She hated the drugs and the smell and the nurses coming and going. She couldn't get any decent sleep because someone was constantly there to check her stitches or her blood pressure or her temperature. It took a couple days before they eased off on the narcotic drip and she could focus and stay awake. Watch the vid. Raley and Ochoa had been in, as had the Captain and it seemed like half the department. Her oom was full of flowers and balloons and well wishes. The department shrink had been in twice already and Kate knew she was going to have to talk to him at length eventually.

But for now she had a tray of clear liquids, coffee and broth and gelatin. She had the vid on some mindless program about interior design. The day was sunny and Kin City General buzzed with activity around her. It made it easy to think of anything other than being tied to the wall and nearly gutted. It made it easier to forget why she hurt so much right now with her bandaged ribs and her wrist in a cast. No, she didn't think about those things in the daylight. Those thoughts came at night.

Comments

[twilek-knight.livejournal.com]

That gets a look of wide-eyed shock and she blinks a few times before responding. "This psychiatrist must be quite formidable if he can actually get you to talk to him. I'm impressed."

Aayla strokes Kate's cheek once, feeling more relaxed with each passing moment.

"Honestly, though. If he can help you, I hope you will take advantage of the opportunity."

[wearingagun.livejournal.com]

"I don't know how much he'll help, but I need his release to go back to work, so I figure I'll talk. About something," she said quietly. "About...everything. I don't even know what to say. So much of it is jumbled up. So much of it is just...pain."

[twilek-knight.livejournal.com]

Aayla holds Kate a little tighter, still conscious of her injuries but needing to be close. The pain in her voice hurts to hear and she would do anything to take that pain away.

"Once you open yourself up you'd be surprised what will come. But it's the first step that's the hardest. Letting yourself be vulnerable."

She has something she wants to ask Kate but she finds herself hesitating. Not wanting to hear the answer. But it would be the height of hypocrisy to tell Kate to be open then hide her own fears so she forces the words out. "Did you...how aware we you of what was happening, Kate? How much did you see?"

[wearingagun.livejournal.com]

"I don't know how much I saw," she replied honestly. "I saw him beating you. I saw him tie you up. I saw him...rape you. And there was blood. A lot of blood. But I kept drifting in and out. It could have been hours...I just don't know."

[twilek-knight.livejournal.com]

"I'm so sorry." She closes her eyes, laying her cheek against Kate's shoulder. She doesn't want to move away but she can't look her in the eye. There are limits. "I wish you hadn't been forced to see. I wish I could have spared you that."

[wearingagun.livejournal.com]

"Me? Aayla, he did it to you. Watching was awful. I wanted to get free and stop him. But what he did...what he did was so cruel. Such a violation. He was...You have nothing to be sorry for. Not to me."

[twilek-knight.livejournal.com]

The tears surprise her, but she doesn't try to hide them. Doesn't bother wiping them away when the first one rolls down her cheek. If there's anyone she doesn't have to hide her tears from right now, it's Kate.

"I thought I could control it. That I could manipulate him long enough to keep us all alive. I thought it wouldn't touch me, that it was just physical pain that I could endure. But it was more than that. We survived, I know that and I know that I had to let him do what he did, but...it still hurts."

[wearingagun.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Aayla," she sighed, reaching to stroke the other woman lightly. "It was more than anyone could endure. I'd have never been able to..."

[twilek-knight.livejournal.com]

"I had no choice," she says again. Willing herself to believe it. To really believe it. "But I don't know how to make sense of it all. Maybe I don't want to. I just want it to be done, to be over and gone."

Sighing, she finally wipes her cheeks. Wanting to be done with the crying as well. "I know that's not possible, but I want it so badly."

[wearingagun.livejournal.com]

"It'll take time. That's what they keep telling me. We'll get through it together. I promise," she said softly, reaching up to brush away the trail of a tear.