Tereus || The Break Up
Aug. 3rd, 2010 03:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wearingagunIt had been a few days and something had been weighing on her mind. Not just some general thing. No...Beckett was considering what the hell was going on in her life. She had no right to tell Dick he was out of control when for months she had been twisted up. She loved Tereus. She cared for Aayla. She was fond of Dick and it could grow to something more if she let it. And she was screwing them all. That wasn't like her. For years she had been the epitome of reserve. Lanie chastised her for being so solitary. And now...now things were so complicated.
She needed to start with Tereus. She owed him that much. Making a date with him after work, she sat in the dim sum place and waited, sipping a soda. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary. She couldn't go on like this.
Tereus finished his shift, changed into his street clothes and was out the door like a shot. There wasn't anything really different about the way Kate talked to him, asking him to meet for dinner. In fact, he rather liked the idea of them going out every so often. Their relationship was just so odd. It had started odd and it seemed every time he wanted to try to get it on some even, normal, track, something came up.
Taking Kate out, having what he guessed could be called a normal date, was one of those things he'd wanted to do. He supposed, this was close enough. At least for a start.
He saw her the moment he entered the restaurant and smiled at her, heading over to the table, sliding easily into the chair. "Hey," he said, still smiling.
She offered up a tight smile. The light of it didn't reach her eyes. She hated this. This feeling that ate at her, rotting her from the inside out. She knew what she wanted, but...
But she knew Dick loved him. And she knew Aayla cared for him. Beckett didn't feel like she had any right to be selfish, even though she'd like to be. She'd love nothing more than to be a petulant child and make demands. Except that wasn't her style.
"Hey," she replied. "I'm glad you came."
Tereus felt his gut grip hard, twisting and consuming itself. He'd seen that smile on her face before. It felt like he'd been doused with cold water. His eagerness to see her gave way to caution and he eased back uncomfortably in his chair. "Why wouldn't I? I mean, it's you." And fuck that sounded so goddamned lame, even if it was true.
His mind was whirring in a thousand different directions, trying to figure out where this was coming from, what it was she was going to hit him with...how to stop this...having a very bad feeling knowing where this was going.
"It's me. Right," Beckett replied, studying him carefully for a long moment. "I ordered for us. I hope you don't mind. Just the sampler...a little of everything."
Yeah, Kate, because dancing around it is going to make it easier.
"Yeah, that's fine, Kate." Tereus fought hard against wanting to cross his arms across his chest. It was instinctive, defensive and he didn't want to be defensive around her. He wasn't going to tell her that he wasn't very hungry now. "So...what's up?"
Might as well hope for the best. Maybe it wasn't going to be as bad as he feared. He forced himself to relax. They'd worked things out. It was fine. Things were fine.
"I..."
She paused, her lips working to find the right words. It took a moment before she continued.
"...Thought we should talk.It's time, I think.To...talk."
...or maybe they weren't fine. Tereus felt his breath catch and he had to force it out. His eyes slid closed against the rising sick feeling he felt welling in his stomach. "Talk," he repeated. "About?"
Although, he had a sneaking suspicion about what.
"About this. About us. About...everyone else," she said as gently as possible. "Dick and Aayla and you and I. I've got concerns." Her chief concern being that she was getting far too involved with far too many people. She didn't like things to be complicated and yet she'd found herself in one hell of a situation.
Alright. Not exactly what he thought they'd be talking about, so he relaxed a little. "Concerns? What kind of concerns?" If he could get her to talk about it and not pull away from him like she usually did, this...he could work this out with her. He knew he could.
"I can't do this, Tereus. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm not cut out for...sharing," she said. She wet her lips and started to say more, but the waitress brought steaming baskets of dumplings for them to eat. It bought her a bit of time.
Once the waitress was gone, he opened his mouth, then shut it again, frowning into his thoughts. Ok. He really didn't know how to pull this one out. "I..." don't understand? But he did. Sort of. "Kate, I..." and he stopped again. "What," can he do? Did he want to know the answer to that?
"What would you want from me?"
Oh, what a good question. Beckett sighed and considered it for a minute.
"Nothing, I guess," she said. "I think...I think I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all, and I can't keep doing what I've been doing. I can't."
"That's it?" Tereus said, his brows furrowing. "We're back to that again?" He sighed heavily and impatiently shoved his hair from his face. "Can you tell me what it is that you're doing that you can't do anymore and you can't even tell me what I might be able to do to make things right? Because Kate...I just don't even know what is going on."
"I can't be involved with you and Dick and Aayla," she sighed. "I'm not cut out for trying to see more than one person. And I can't be one of several. I'm old enough to admit what I want and I want someone...special."
Tereus rubbed at his mouth, his head spinning so quickly he felt dizzy. "And when I was willing to give you that, you didn't want it, either," he said softly. "So...you don't want it with me?" Which was really the only conclusion he could draw. She'd fought him from the beginning, always trying to keep him at arms length....
It all made sense now. Tereus felt sick. He staggered to his feet and steadied himself on the table. "I'm really sorry, Kate. I was in love with you the..." Tereus stopped. He wouldn't finish that thought. Simply because it didn't seem to matter.
He pushed away from the table, his throat dry and his voice hoarse. "I would have given anything to be that for you...but you never wanted...I'm so sorry. I...should go..."
"Tereus, I..."
Maybe she should just let him go. She didn't want to lay down any unreasonable demands and she knew Dick loved him.Of course...she loved Tereus, too. Ultimatums weren't her style.
"I think you missed the point," she continued slowly. "Tereus, I...I can't share."
He wasn't really hearing. Too much was going on in his head. Too many of their conversations were coming back and he didn't hear what she was saying, only what she'd said before.
Tereus nodded numbly. "Right," he said, still nodding. "And if you didn't have to share?"
"If I didn't have to share?" she repeated, then sighed. She wasn't doing this right. There wasn't any good way to do this, Beckett decided.
"Dick loves you, Tereus. And there's Aayla. This is all so complicated. I...can't we just be friends? It was good when we were friends."
"Friends," he repeated, the word forming like ash in his mouth. He frowned and focused on the table, head nodding absently. A step backward. "Yeah. Friends. Sure, Kate." His mouth opened, then shut. Another step toward the door. Telling her that she was so very special to him seemed to be a useless gesture at this point. "I-I mean, we still have...the thing we're working on, right?" Friends.
And if he couldn't have her, he'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. It just...wouldn't be easy.
"Right. What we're working on," she said quietly. "Tereus...I...that's important, but it's not the only..."
God, why couldn't she just say what she meant? Why couldn't she just admit how she felt?
"Are you okay with...this? Juggling three people?" Or, god, what if there were more than three?
"I was, yes," Tereus said, turning to the door. He hadn't seen anything wrong with it. "I love each of you and you give me something I need." That was the only way he knew how to explain it. One could have been enough, he supposed, but with the three? He felt...
...completed.
Intellectually, he knew not everyone was like that and he was trying hard to understand that, even if it wasn't how he felt. Obviously, Kate and Dick didn't either. Which explained why they both had said early on they couldn't commit to Tereus.
It all fell into place for him now.
"See...I want what I need to come from just one person," Beckett explained. "We just aren't on the same page. I'm sorry."
"So am I," Tereus said over his shoulder and started for the door, then stopped. He went back over to Kate and rested his hand on the back of her neck, placing a gentle kiss to her temple. "I want for you what will make you happiest," he murmured in her hair softly.
He couldn't stay there any longer. His chest felt like it would implode. "I'll see you at work, Beckett."
Beckett. He hadn't called her anything but Kate in so long that it was strange and foreign to hear him call her by her last name.
"I'll see you at work," she agreed, sounding far stronger than she felt. He was going to have to walk away because she doubted she could even get to her feet.
Tereus kept walking, every step making his stomach drop further and further until he couldn't possibly feel any worse. He stopped at his bike and stared at it, really unsure what he'd do now. Going to his apartment was out. He couldn't stand the four walls and would be crazy within minutes.
Going to Dick's? God...he couldn't face Dick right now. Not until he had a better handle on this.
Aayla was an option but the last thing she needed was to deal with his personal shit.
He got on his bike, started it with a roar and took off. He'd know where he was going when he got there.
She needed to start with Tereus. She owed him that much. Making a date with him after work, she sat in the dim sum place and waited, sipping a soda. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary. She couldn't go on like this.
Tereus finished his shift, changed into his street clothes and was out the door like a shot. There wasn't anything really different about the way Kate talked to him, asking him to meet for dinner. In fact, he rather liked the idea of them going out every so often. Their relationship was just so odd. It had started odd and it seemed every time he wanted to try to get it on some even, normal, track, something came up.
Taking Kate out, having what he guessed could be called a normal date, was one of those things he'd wanted to do. He supposed, this was close enough. At least for a start.
He saw her the moment he entered the restaurant and smiled at her, heading over to the table, sliding easily into the chair. "Hey," he said, still smiling.
She offered up a tight smile. The light of it didn't reach her eyes. She hated this. This feeling that ate at her, rotting her from the inside out. She knew what she wanted, but...
But she knew Dick loved him. And she knew Aayla cared for him. Beckett didn't feel like she had any right to be selfish, even though she'd like to be. She'd love nothing more than to be a petulant child and make demands. Except that wasn't her style.
"Hey," she replied. "I'm glad you came."
Tereus felt his gut grip hard, twisting and consuming itself. He'd seen that smile on her face before. It felt like he'd been doused with cold water. His eagerness to see her gave way to caution and he eased back uncomfortably in his chair. "Why wouldn't I? I mean, it's you." And fuck that sounded so goddamned lame, even if it was true.
His mind was whirring in a thousand different directions, trying to figure out where this was coming from, what it was she was going to hit him with...how to stop this...having a very bad feeling knowing where this was going.
"It's me. Right," Beckett replied, studying him carefully for a long moment. "I ordered for us. I hope you don't mind. Just the sampler...a little of everything."
Yeah, Kate, because dancing around it is going to make it easier.
"Yeah, that's fine, Kate." Tereus fought hard against wanting to cross his arms across his chest. It was instinctive, defensive and he didn't want to be defensive around her. He wasn't going to tell her that he wasn't very hungry now. "So...what's up?"
Might as well hope for the best. Maybe it wasn't going to be as bad as he feared. He forced himself to relax. They'd worked things out. It was fine. Things were fine.
"I..."
She paused, her lips working to find the right words. It took a moment before she continued.
"...Thought we should talk.It's time, I think.To...talk."
...or maybe they weren't fine. Tereus felt his breath catch and he had to force it out. His eyes slid closed against the rising sick feeling he felt welling in his stomach. "Talk," he repeated. "About?"
Although, he had a sneaking suspicion about what.
"About this. About us. About...everyone else," she said as gently as possible. "Dick and Aayla and you and I. I've got concerns." Her chief concern being that she was getting far too involved with far too many people. She didn't like things to be complicated and yet she'd found herself in one hell of a situation.
Alright. Not exactly what he thought they'd be talking about, so he relaxed a little. "Concerns? What kind of concerns?" If he could get her to talk about it and not pull away from him like she usually did, this...he could work this out with her. He knew he could.
"I can't do this, Tereus. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm not cut out for...sharing," she said. She wet her lips and started to say more, but the waitress brought steaming baskets of dumplings for them to eat. It bought her a bit of time.
Once the waitress was gone, he opened his mouth, then shut it again, frowning into his thoughts. Ok. He really didn't know how to pull this one out. "I..." don't understand? But he did. Sort of. "Kate, I..." and he stopped again. "What," can he do? Did he want to know the answer to that?
"What would you want from me?"
Oh, what a good question. Beckett sighed and considered it for a minute.
"Nothing, I guess," she said. "I think...I think I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all, and I can't keep doing what I've been doing. I can't."
"That's it?" Tereus said, his brows furrowing. "We're back to that again?" He sighed heavily and impatiently shoved his hair from his face. "Can you tell me what it is that you're doing that you can't do anymore and you can't even tell me what I might be able to do to make things right? Because Kate...I just don't even know what is going on."
"I can't be involved with you and Dick and Aayla," she sighed. "I'm not cut out for trying to see more than one person. And I can't be one of several. I'm old enough to admit what I want and I want someone...special."
Tereus rubbed at his mouth, his head spinning so quickly he felt dizzy. "And when I was willing to give you that, you didn't want it, either," he said softly. "So...you don't want it with me?" Which was really the only conclusion he could draw. She'd fought him from the beginning, always trying to keep him at arms length....
It all made sense now. Tereus felt sick. He staggered to his feet and steadied himself on the table. "I'm really sorry, Kate. I was in love with you the..." Tereus stopped. He wouldn't finish that thought. Simply because it didn't seem to matter.
He pushed away from the table, his throat dry and his voice hoarse. "I would have given anything to be that for you...but you never wanted...I'm so sorry. I...should go..."
"Tereus, I..."
Maybe she should just let him go. She didn't want to lay down any unreasonable demands and she knew Dick loved him.Of course...she loved Tereus, too. Ultimatums weren't her style.
"I think you missed the point," she continued slowly. "Tereus, I...I can't share."
He wasn't really hearing. Too much was going on in his head. Too many of their conversations were coming back and he didn't hear what she was saying, only what she'd said before.
Tereus nodded numbly. "Right," he said, still nodding. "And if you didn't have to share?"
"If I didn't have to share?" she repeated, then sighed. She wasn't doing this right. There wasn't any good way to do this, Beckett decided.
"Dick loves you, Tereus. And there's Aayla. This is all so complicated. I...can't we just be friends? It was good when we were friends."
"Friends," he repeated, the word forming like ash in his mouth. He frowned and focused on the table, head nodding absently. A step backward. "Yeah. Friends. Sure, Kate." His mouth opened, then shut. Another step toward the door. Telling her that she was so very special to him seemed to be a useless gesture at this point. "I-I mean, we still have...the thing we're working on, right?" Friends.
And if he couldn't have her, he'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. It just...wouldn't be easy.
"Right. What we're working on," she said quietly. "Tereus...I...that's important, but it's not the only..."
God, why couldn't she just say what she meant? Why couldn't she just admit how she felt?
"Are you okay with...this? Juggling three people?" Or, god, what if there were more than three?
"I was, yes," Tereus said, turning to the door. He hadn't seen anything wrong with it. "I love each of you and you give me something I need." That was the only way he knew how to explain it. One could have been enough, he supposed, but with the three? He felt...
...completed.
Intellectually, he knew not everyone was like that and he was trying hard to understand that, even if it wasn't how he felt. Obviously, Kate and Dick didn't either. Which explained why they both had said early on they couldn't commit to Tereus.
It all fell into place for him now.
"See...I want what I need to come from just one person," Beckett explained. "We just aren't on the same page. I'm sorry."
"So am I," Tereus said over his shoulder and started for the door, then stopped. He went back over to Kate and rested his hand on the back of her neck, placing a gentle kiss to her temple. "I want for you what will make you happiest," he murmured in her hair softly.
He couldn't stay there any longer. His chest felt like it would implode. "I'll see you at work, Beckett."
Beckett. He hadn't called her anything but Kate in so long that it was strange and foreign to hear him call her by her last name.
"I'll see you at work," she agreed, sounding far stronger than she felt. He was going to have to walk away because she doubted she could even get to her feet.
Tereus kept walking, every step making his stomach drop further and further until he couldn't possibly feel any worse. He stopped at his bike and stared at it, really unsure what he'd do now. Going to his apartment was out. He couldn't stand the four walls and would be crazy within minutes.
Going to Dick's? God...he couldn't face Dick right now. Not until he had a better handle on this.
Aayla was an option but the last thing she needed was to deal with his personal shit.
He got on his bike, started it with a roar and took off. He'd know where he was going when he got there.
