Stalker Plot 9 | In The Hospital
Oct. 27th, 2011 05:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wearingagunIronically, the ride back to the hospital was nearly as silent as the ride there. Dick had brought an empty folder to act as the reason for their return - death in modern society was a matter of paperwork and anyone watching would be looking for details. Tereus had a change of clothes in the backpack they’d brought with them and Dick had checked in with the doctor he’d spoken with earlier. Kate was still hidden away - a decoy body had been wheeled out in plain sight - and she was still doing fine, her hearing returning slowly.
Dick’s expression was blank, if not grim, as they parked the car and returned through the same automatic doors. Relief Kate was fine, relief that Tereus was no longer addled by grief, but he couldn’t find it in himself to relax. It was like a switch had been flicked the second he’d uttered the words she’s gone, and he couldn’t turn himself back on again.
Beckett wasn’t even in bed. She’d taken the chair and was watching television. She was bored out of her mind but she had a glass of soda, a cup of cold coffee, and a half a sandwich that was in dire need of mayonnaise. She couldn’t imagine staying here for very long.
When the door opened she expected the nurse again, coming in to check if she needed anything. Seeing Dick and Tereus had her on her feet and rushing over. Her hospital gown was open down the back but she didn’t even notice the cool air on her skin.
“Thank god you’re here,” she said, just a little too loud. “I was wondering how long you’d have to wait.”
Tereus dropped the backpack by the door and rushed around Dick to sweep Kate into his arms. He buried his face in her hair and held her probably a little too tightly. Dick had said, had reassured him that she was really alive but it still didn’t seem real until he had her in his arms. “Kate,” he said in a hushed voice.
Dick stayed back a bit, head ducked, letting Tereus reassure himself. He gave Kate a small smile - the best he could muster - and reached out to slide the backpack off Tereus’ shoulder so he could get her clothes out.
“Brought you something to wear,” he said quietly, “and we’ll figure something out as far as food. I’m betting Moriarty still has someone watching the room, since he doesn’t seem the type to actually believe anything until he’s seen a body himself.”
She sighed heavily and nodded. There was no attempt to disentangle from Tereus- a hug like that and she knew he needed the contact.
“We can’t manage a body to see, but the hospital can manage a run around. Gotta love bureaucracy,” she said. “Tereus, okay, you’re going to break my ribs...”
“Right. Sorry.” Tereus managed to peel himself off Kate and actually move off to the side. Not so far that he couldn’t reach out and touch her to reassure himself this wasn’t an illusion.
At this point he couldn’t even meet Dick’s eyes. There was a feeling of betrayal in them. Tereus couldn’t put anything more to it than that. But ever since Dick told him the truth, he’d been slipping further and further away and hardly responding to Tereus at all.
He pushed the overwhelming feeling of desperation aside and focused on Kate. At least she was really alive. “Just...glad to see you.”
Dick nodded in agreement. “We went home. I filled him in. There was a man watching us pretty obviously in the waiting room when we first arrived, so I had to go with it. So...to say the least, we’re glad it’s just a cover up.”
It took a moment for the meaning of that to sink in...and then realization dawned on her face.
“You told him I died?” she said flatly. Beckett looked at Tereus. “He told you I died? In the ER? Who else did you tell?” she asked, the whole conversation of who to tell and who to keep in the dark little more than a murky memory thanks to the medication.
Tereus nodded numbly. “He had to, Kate. There were too many people around.” He took her hand in his. “I guess I didn’t handle it very well. But as soon as he could, he told me.”
Dick stayed quiet, moving to the bed to set the file folder down and started to pull the clothes out of the bag so she could change. “Are you hungry?” he asked, not turning, “we could probably come up with a way to get actual food in here. It’s probably been a while since you’ve eaten.”
Beckett blinked at him for a second and then shook her head. Clothes. Food. He was being so practical compared to Tereus. Maybe that was understandable since he was the one with the weight of the plan on him but that didn’t explain why he was over there, no hug, no smile, not even a light in his eyes.
“I’m not hungry,” she said. “I’m bored and a little deaf. And worried about the people in my building. And you said someone was watching? I don’t like that,” she continued, walking back to the bed and giving them both a great shot of her bare back.
“We need to find him. I need to talk to John. He and Sherlock were at the guy’s house. That’s how I knew there was a bomb. John called me.”
Tereus frowned. “You...know who it was that planted the bomb?” He moved over to her. And while the sight of a naked Kate was a sight to behold, it clearly didn’t have his attention at that moment. “Kate? You know who tried to kill you? I thought...” he looked over at Dick, “then who is this Moriarty?”
“One of Moriarty’s men?” Dick asked, finally sounding interested as he turned to look at them, “maybe the one leaving you the pictures?”
“That’s not how Moriarty works. The guy is just a stalker. Just some guy with a fixation. Moriarty just makes it...easier. Easier to hide. Easier to get to me,” she said. “And he probably wants me out of the way because of how hard I tried to prove Sherlock’s innocence. It’s...complicated. But I don’t know who the stalker is until I talk to John. And when I do, I’m going to take him down. No one gets away with this.”
She paused.
“I don’t even have a home anymore.”
“Of course you do, Kate.” Tereus fluffed her hair out once she got the shirt slipped over her body. “Between me and Dick there are two apartments. If you don’t stay with us in one, you can have the other to yourself until things settle down. However you want that to work, we’ll handle it.”
“As soon as you talk to John,” Dick said firmly, “you should give us the name. We don’t want to wait on getting him in custody until it’s safe for you to go out again. As soon as I have a name, I can find him.”
“Dick, the police need to take care of this,” she said with a note of warning in her voice. Nightwing could do wonders, but she wanted this to be airtight.
“It’s nothing new. When I bring guys in, it sticks.” Dick shrugged his shoulder up, turning back to the file folder.
Tereus stood there gape-mouthed at Dick’s complete nonchalance about it all. Maybe he was there in the ambulance with Kate and that she was fine but she was still injured and he was acting...like an insufferable asshole. He’d never seen Dick act this way before. “Dick...”
Tereus earned himself a brief glance, and for a moment, Dick looked pained, but he just turned away again, zipping the backpack up once all the clothes were out, the toothbrush Tereus had remembered in his hand. He held it up so Kate could see it was there before slipping around them to set it in the bathroom.
Beckett gave Tereus a pointed look, cocked her head, then moved to Dick. She was right there as he came out of the bathroom.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked, in no mood to dance around the subject.
Tereus wanted to follow Kate but it looked like she might have it handled so he simply stood back and watched. Clearly, they both were concerned about this behavior. He had to wonder if Dick was even aware of how he was behaving.
“Nothing’s going on,” Dick said simply, stopping in the doorway, “I was putting your toothbrush on the sink.” He slipped between them this time. “I have my cell on me. As soon as you hear from John, call me. I’m going to go see about getting you some real food.”
Oh hell no. This was intolerable. If Dick wanted act this way with him, that was fine. They’d deal with it. But not to Kate and damn sure not right now. He reached out and grabbed Dick by the arm to hold him. “Dick. Something is. This isn’t like you.”
“I just want to get her some food,” Dick said with a shake of his arm, eyes going a little dark. “Do you need me to stay? I’ll stay, but I figure more than the crust of a sandwich was necessary and I’m not even sure how to bring food in without it looking weird. What would we be doing in here, sitting in her empty hospital room eating burgers? Weird place to hold a wake. So maybe I’ll have to convince a nurse to bring them in in something else. If we want anything besides water, it’ll probably have to be carried in bit by bit in urine sample cups, because there are people sitting out there, watching us, and apparently I’m the only one thinking about what needs to happen!”
Tereus pulled his hand away like he’d been burned in the face of Dick’s heated response. “Dick, you’ve done everything you can do to keep Kate safe. How about you treat her with a little more courtesy than to blow her off like this? All that other stuff can wait a few moments and you can talk with her.”
”You can both just go,” she said, holding up her hand. “If being here is a problem I can just watch tv. You call John.”
She wasn’t happy, she still hurt, and this was making her tired. She went back to her chair and sat down slowly. If she was supposed to be dead the least she could have was a little peace.
Dick stared at her for a brief moment before turning on his heel and going to the door. He already hated himself, why not nail the coffin lid shut completely? He pushed out into the deserted hall and shut the door behind him, making sure there was no one looking to catch a glimpse inside.
Tereus went from reeling to devastated in less than thirty seconds. Kate was pushing him out, Dick was...whatever his problem was. He watched Dick just leave without so much as a good bye to Kate and she was sitting there pointedly ignoring him. He felt his heart break.
He went to Kate and rested a hand on her shoulder, leaning to kiss her hair. “I’m sorry, Kate. I’ll come back another time. Sleep well.”
Backing away, he quietly left the room and pulled the door closed behind him. His hand rest on the wood for a moment before he turned to face Dick, his expression a mix of unbridled anger and devastation, right before his fist had balled and it had connected with Dick’s jaw. “I wasn’t aware playing the part was supposed to continue once that door shut,” he accused as Dick fell back away from him.
Before giving Dick any time to respond, he stormed off and headed for the nearest stairwell.
Stumbling, Dick almost hit the floor, but caught himself on the wall. Tereus had never hit him before, not like that, and the shock of it was enough to break the stony anger Dick had been carrying with him since they got to the hospital. He didn’t turn when the man spoke, or push up off the wall, didn’t look up until he heard Tereus shove into the stairwell, footsteps echoing off concrete hospital walls.
Using the wall to help him straighten, Dick watched the spot where Tereus had been standing, feeling the bruise bloom under the skin of his jaw. His lip trembled once before he swallowed hard, reaching up to rub the back of his hand across his eyes. He actually had no idea what to do with himself.
He stood stupidly in the hall for a few minutes, trying to sort out the mess of his own thoughts, but they all kept leading him back to the same place. Dick turned to the door he’d just come through and lifted a hand to knock quietly, even as he turned the knob so he could slip back inside.
“You shouldn’t knock. The dead don’t care if you just walk in,” she said to the tv, then slowly, painfully turned her head to look at him.
“I’m really not hungry, Dick. You don’t have to bring me food.”
She didn’t mention his attitude again. He looked terrible enough.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, sounding young and tired. Dick shut the door behind him before going to sit on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worse than you already do.”
Beckett sighed heavily. “I feel pretty bad,” she admitted. “Not dead. Just sore. I don’t know how you do what you do. I jumped in a bath tub and I feel like a walking bruise.”
Dick stared hard at the floor at his feet, sliding his boot over the inoffensively patterned tile. “Push through it,” he said, by way of explanation, “take a lot of ibuprofen. I have this homeopathic stuff you can rub on bruises that actually works really well. Don’t ask me how.”
Beckett looked at him for a long moment and as she did, her expression softened.
“I can’t believe you told Tereus I died,” she said quietly. “That had to be hard.”
Dick’s face crumpled and he leaned forward, pressing a hand over his eyes. Kate’s sympathy seemed to shatter the thin shell he’d managed to build up around himself, making his breath come too fast, his chest heaving once as he attempted to calm down.
“It was so easy,” he said hoarsely, voice thick, “I didn’t even have to think about it. I just thought it, and said it and god, Kate, he looked like he was dying.”
“Oh, Dick,” she said softly. She could only imagine how she would feel if Dick had had to tell her Tereus had died. How that must have affected him.
She slowly got up from the chair to join him on the bed.
“You did what you needed to to keep me safe,” she said. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“But that’s just it-” he gasped, shaking his head, “it was so fucking easy, Kate. I knew it would hurt him and I didn’t even hesitate. And god, faking it was easy too, and I was good at it.” He rubbed a hand under his nose, uncaring that his cheeks were wet.
“I don’t want to be Bruce,” he said after a pause, his voice shaking, “I don’t want to be so good at lying to people I love, but I am, and even at the same time as hating it, I wouldn’t change it because it’s what’s necessary. I feel insane, but letting this go, letting this...” he trembled once, “letting this fucked up part of me go would mean not being Nightwing anymore.”
“Not Nightwing like you are now,” she agreed. “And you’re not Nightwing with us. That a whole different side of you, Dick.”
It was hard for her to reconcile the man before her and the man in the armor. Even when he came to her place in that suit it was quickly stripped off. She knew why he had to do it, but she didn’t like Nightwing as much as she liked Dick. She’d just never really given any thought to why.
Dick gave a hoarse, humorless laugh, shoulders still slumped, head still ducked. He licked his lips, rubbing at his eyes again. There really wasn’t a lot more to say. The fact that Dick Grayson and Nightwing were two distinct entities to her said it all.
“Tereus punched me,” he said after a minute, “and left. I’ve never seen him that mad. Not at me, anyway.”
“You were being kind of an ass. I almost punched you myself,” she admitted. “But my hands hurt and I need a manicure, so...” She shrugged and looked almost sweet for a moment.
“He’ll come back. Sometimes he feels things and I’m not sure he knows what to do with those feelings.”
“Feeling a lot of things today thanks to me,” Dick said morosely, reaching up to touch at the bruise forming on his jaw, “I don’t know how to explain this to him, Kate. I just...I needed to turn off for a second. The explosion, and then lying to him like that, seeing him so devastated. It was too much and I just kind of...” he snapped his fingers.
“You can’t do that, Dick,” she said, soft but resolute. “You can’t turn off. It’s not fair to us. You can’t shut us out like that.”
“I know.” He slid a flat, damp palm over his jean-covered thigh, fingers curling against his leg slightly, then relaxing again - an anxious tic. “I know it isn’t. I haven’t done it that badly in a long time, but I just have moments where...it’s like I can feel myself going crazy, like I’m watching it happen and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
Beckett laid her hand over his to still his fingers and give him just a little bit more contact. There was very little she could say. She’d already insisted that he not shut them out. Actually doing it was up to him.
“When he comes back, apologize,” she said. “I know he’s the one who hit you, but...you should apologize.”
“Right.” Dick looked down at her hand, slender fingers laced with his own. “I will. Of course I will.” He glanced up to meet her eyes for a moment. “Sure you’re not hungry?”
“I’m sure. They gave me a really delicious sandwich so I’d have food on my stomach for the pain pills,” she said dryly. “And you were right, you know. You can’t be bringing things in here. It’ll arouse suspicion. And when it’s safe to leave...I really don’t know where I’ll go. I can’t go to your place. Or Tereus’s. Or my dad’s. I just don’t know.”
“I have safe houses all over the city, Kate,” he murmured, “hidden, roof entrance only, security lock down, tamper proof safe houses.” Dick managed a weak smile and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“Okay,” she agreed. She realized he needed to do something for her. Feed her. Protect her. As much as she didn’t want to need protection, it was clear this had all gone too far. She had to quit being so stubborn.
“Okay.” Dick took a deep breath and lifted her hand to kiss it gently. “I have to go. Need to set up somewhere for you to stay and...a way to get you there. Not to mention I’ve now technically been sitting alone in this room for ten minutes.” Another weak smile, “luckily I look morose enough for it to be convincing as just...pathetic.”
He slid off the bed, turning to face her. “Are you sure you don’t want anything? I could let Hex know. He would have an excuse to come up here with pretty much anything.”
“I’m sure. I just want to not be sore and I want to not worry. I just want to get back to normal.”
The minutes were ticking by and she kept looking to the door. It never opened and she finally said softly, “Maybe you should go find him. I’m fine. Fine as I can be. He’s hurting.”
“I don’t know.” Dick rubbed at the back of his head, ruffling dark hair, “he’s never been that mad at me before. It’s sort of...uncharted waters for us both.” Maybe he would just go back to his apartment and wait it out, give the man a little time before going after him. “I’ll keep you updated, okay? Try and rest if you can. And call me if you need anything.”
Dick’s expression was blank, if not grim, as they parked the car and returned through the same automatic doors. Relief Kate was fine, relief that Tereus was no longer addled by grief, but he couldn’t find it in himself to relax. It was like a switch had been flicked the second he’d uttered the words she’s gone, and he couldn’t turn himself back on again.
Beckett wasn’t even in bed. She’d taken the chair and was watching television. She was bored out of her mind but she had a glass of soda, a cup of cold coffee, and a half a sandwich that was in dire need of mayonnaise. She couldn’t imagine staying here for very long.
When the door opened she expected the nurse again, coming in to check if she needed anything. Seeing Dick and Tereus had her on her feet and rushing over. Her hospital gown was open down the back but she didn’t even notice the cool air on her skin.
“Thank god you’re here,” she said, just a little too loud. “I was wondering how long you’d have to wait.”
Tereus dropped the backpack by the door and rushed around Dick to sweep Kate into his arms. He buried his face in her hair and held her probably a little too tightly. Dick had said, had reassured him that she was really alive but it still didn’t seem real until he had her in his arms. “Kate,” he said in a hushed voice.
Dick stayed back a bit, head ducked, letting Tereus reassure himself. He gave Kate a small smile - the best he could muster - and reached out to slide the backpack off Tereus’ shoulder so he could get her clothes out.
“Brought you something to wear,” he said quietly, “and we’ll figure something out as far as food. I’m betting Moriarty still has someone watching the room, since he doesn’t seem the type to actually believe anything until he’s seen a body himself.”
She sighed heavily and nodded. There was no attempt to disentangle from Tereus- a hug like that and she knew he needed the contact.
“We can’t manage a body to see, but the hospital can manage a run around. Gotta love bureaucracy,” she said. “Tereus, okay, you’re going to break my ribs...”
“Right. Sorry.” Tereus managed to peel himself off Kate and actually move off to the side. Not so far that he couldn’t reach out and touch her to reassure himself this wasn’t an illusion.
At this point he couldn’t even meet Dick’s eyes. There was a feeling of betrayal in them. Tereus couldn’t put anything more to it than that. But ever since Dick told him the truth, he’d been slipping further and further away and hardly responding to Tereus at all.
He pushed the overwhelming feeling of desperation aside and focused on Kate. At least she was really alive. “Just...glad to see you.”
Dick nodded in agreement. “We went home. I filled him in. There was a man watching us pretty obviously in the waiting room when we first arrived, so I had to go with it. So...to say the least, we’re glad it’s just a cover up.”
It took a moment for the meaning of that to sink in...and then realization dawned on her face.
“You told him I died?” she said flatly. Beckett looked at Tereus. “He told you I died? In the ER? Who else did you tell?” she asked, the whole conversation of who to tell and who to keep in the dark little more than a murky memory thanks to the medication.
Tereus nodded numbly. “He had to, Kate. There were too many people around.” He took her hand in his. “I guess I didn’t handle it very well. But as soon as he could, he told me.”
Dick stayed quiet, moving to the bed to set the file folder down and started to pull the clothes out of the bag so she could change. “Are you hungry?” he asked, not turning, “we could probably come up with a way to get actual food in here. It’s probably been a while since you’ve eaten.”
Beckett blinked at him for a second and then shook her head. Clothes. Food. He was being so practical compared to Tereus. Maybe that was understandable since he was the one with the weight of the plan on him but that didn’t explain why he was over there, no hug, no smile, not even a light in his eyes.
“I’m not hungry,” she said. “I’m bored and a little deaf. And worried about the people in my building. And you said someone was watching? I don’t like that,” she continued, walking back to the bed and giving them both a great shot of her bare back.
“We need to find him. I need to talk to John. He and Sherlock were at the guy’s house. That’s how I knew there was a bomb. John called me.”
Tereus frowned. “You...know who it was that planted the bomb?” He moved over to her. And while the sight of a naked Kate was a sight to behold, it clearly didn’t have his attention at that moment. “Kate? You know who tried to kill you? I thought...” he looked over at Dick, “then who is this Moriarty?”
“One of Moriarty’s men?” Dick asked, finally sounding interested as he turned to look at them, “maybe the one leaving you the pictures?”
“That’s not how Moriarty works. The guy is just a stalker. Just some guy with a fixation. Moriarty just makes it...easier. Easier to hide. Easier to get to me,” she said. “And he probably wants me out of the way because of how hard I tried to prove Sherlock’s innocence. It’s...complicated. But I don’t know who the stalker is until I talk to John. And when I do, I’m going to take him down. No one gets away with this.”
She paused.
“I don’t even have a home anymore.”
“Of course you do, Kate.” Tereus fluffed her hair out once she got the shirt slipped over her body. “Between me and Dick there are two apartments. If you don’t stay with us in one, you can have the other to yourself until things settle down. However you want that to work, we’ll handle it.”
“As soon as you talk to John,” Dick said firmly, “you should give us the name. We don’t want to wait on getting him in custody until it’s safe for you to go out again. As soon as I have a name, I can find him.”
“Dick, the police need to take care of this,” she said with a note of warning in her voice. Nightwing could do wonders, but she wanted this to be airtight.
“It’s nothing new. When I bring guys in, it sticks.” Dick shrugged his shoulder up, turning back to the file folder.
Tereus stood there gape-mouthed at Dick’s complete nonchalance about it all. Maybe he was there in the ambulance with Kate and that she was fine but she was still injured and he was acting...like an insufferable asshole. He’d never seen Dick act this way before. “Dick...”
Tereus earned himself a brief glance, and for a moment, Dick looked pained, but he just turned away again, zipping the backpack up once all the clothes were out, the toothbrush Tereus had remembered in his hand. He held it up so Kate could see it was there before slipping around them to set it in the bathroom.
Beckett gave Tereus a pointed look, cocked her head, then moved to Dick. She was right there as he came out of the bathroom.
“What’s going on with you?” she asked, in no mood to dance around the subject.
Tereus wanted to follow Kate but it looked like she might have it handled so he simply stood back and watched. Clearly, they both were concerned about this behavior. He had to wonder if Dick was even aware of how he was behaving.
“Nothing’s going on,” Dick said simply, stopping in the doorway, “I was putting your toothbrush on the sink.” He slipped between them this time. “I have my cell on me. As soon as you hear from John, call me. I’m going to go see about getting you some real food.”
Oh hell no. This was intolerable. If Dick wanted act this way with him, that was fine. They’d deal with it. But not to Kate and damn sure not right now. He reached out and grabbed Dick by the arm to hold him. “Dick. Something is. This isn’t like you.”
“I just want to get her some food,” Dick said with a shake of his arm, eyes going a little dark. “Do you need me to stay? I’ll stay, but I figure more than the crust of a sandwich was necessary and I’m not even sure how to bring food in without it looking weird. What would we be doing in here, sitting in her empty hospital room eating burgers? Weird place to hold a wake. So maybe I’ll have to convince a nurse to bring them in in something else. If we want anything besides water, it’ll probably have to be carried in bit by bit in urine sample cups, because there are people sitting out there, watching us, and apparently I’m the only one thinking about what needs to happen!”
Tereus pulled his hand away like he’d been burned in the face of Dick’s heated response. “Dick, you’ve done everything you can do to keep Kate safe. How about you treat her with a little more courtesy than to blow her off like this? All that other stuff can wait a few moments and you can talk with her.”
”You can both just go,” she said, holding up her hand. “If being here is a problem I can just watch tv. You call John.”
She wasn’t happy, she still hurt, and this was making her tired. She went back to her chair and sat down slowly. If she was supposed to be dead the least she could have was a little peace.
Dick stared at her for a brief moment before turning on his heel and going to the door. He already hated himself, why not nail the coffin lid shut completely? He pushed out into the deserted hall and shut the door behind him, making sure there was no one looking to catch a glimpse inside.
Tereus went from reeling to devastated in less than thirty seconds. Kate was pushing him out, Dick was...whatever his problem was. He watched Dick just leave without so much as a good bye to Kate and she was sitting there pointedly ignoring him. He felt his heart break.
He went to Kate and rested a hand on her shoulder, leaning to kiss her hair. “I’m sorry, Kate. I’ll come back another time. Sleep well.”
Backing away, he quietly left the room and pulled the door closed behind him. His hand rest on the wood for a moment before he turned to face Dick, his expression a mix of unbridled anger and devastation, right before his fist had balled and it had connected with Dick’s jaw. “I wasn’t aware playing the part was supposed to continue once that door shut,” he accused as Dick fell back away from him.
Before giving Dick any time to respond, he stormed off and headed for the nearest stairwell.
Stumbling, Dick almost hit the floor, but caught himself on the wall. Tereus had never hit him before, not like that, and the shock of it was enough to break the stony anger Dick had been carrying with him since they got to the hospital. He didn’t turn when the man spoke, or push up off the wall, didn’t look up until he heard Tereus shove into the stairwell, footsteps echoing off concrete hospital walls.
Using the wall to help him straighten, Dick watched the spot where Tereus had been standing, feeling the bruise bloom under the skin of his jaw. His lip trembled once before he swallowed hard, reaching up to rub the back of his hand across his eyes. He actually had no idea what to do with himself.
He stood stupidly in the hall for a few minutes, trying to sort out the mess of his own thoughts, but they all kept leading him back to the same place. Dick turned to the door he’d just come through and lifted a hand to knock quietly, even as he turned the knob so he could slip back inside.
“You shouldn’t knock. The dead don’t care if you just walk in,” she said to the tv, then slowly, painfully turned her head to look at him.
“I’m really not hungry, Dick. You don’t have to bring me food.”
She didn’t mention his attitude again. He looked terrible enough.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, sounding young and tired. Dick shut the door behind him before going to sit on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worse than you already do.”
Beckett sighed heavily. “I feel pretty bad,” she admitted. “Not dead. Just sore. I don’t know how you do what you do. I jumped in a bath tub and I feel like a walking bruise.”
Dick stared hard at the floor at his feet, sliding his boot over the inoffensively patterned tile. “Push through it,” he said, by way of explanation, “take a lot of ibuprofen. I have this homeopathic stuff you can rub on bruises that actually works really well. Don’t ask me how.”
Beckett looked at him for a long moment and as she did, her expression softened.
“I can’t believe you told Tereus I died,” she said quietly. “That had to be hard.”
Dick’s face crumpled and he leaned forward, pressing a hand over his eyes. Kate’s sympathy seemed to shatter the thin shell he’d managed to build up around himself, making his breath come too fast, his chest heaving once as he attempted to calm down.
“It was so easy,” he said hoarsely, voice thick, “I didn’t even have to think about it. I just thought it, and said it and god, Kate, he looked like he was dying.”
“Oh, Dick,” she said softly. She could only imagine how she would feel if Dick had had to tell her Tereus had died. How that must have affected him.
She slowly got up from the chair to join him on the bed.
“You did what you needed to to keep me safe,” she said. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“But that’s just it-” he gasped, shaking his head, “it was so fucking easy, Kate. I knew it would hurt him and I didn’t even hesitate. And god, faking it was easy too, and I was good at it.” He rubbed a hand under his nose, uncaring that his cheeks were wet.
“I don’t want to be Bruce,” he said after a pause, his voice shaking, “I don’t want to be so good at lying to people I love, but I am, and even at the same time as hating it, I wouldn’t change it because it’s what’s necessary. I feel insane, but letting this go, letting this...” he trembled once, “letting this fucked up part of me go would mean not being Nightwing anymore.”
“Not Nightwing like you are now,” she agreed. “And you’re not Nightwing with us. That a whole different side of you, Dick.”
It was hard for her to reconcile the man before her and the man in the armor. Even when he came to her place in that suit it was quickly stripped off. She knew why he had to do it, but she didn’t like Nightwing as much as she liked Dick. She’d just never really given any thought to why.
Dick gave a hoarse, humorless laugh, shoulders still slumped, head still ducked. He licked his lips, rubbing at his eyes again. There really wasn’t a lot more to say. The fact that Dick Grayson and Nightwing were two distinct entities to her said it all.
“Tereus punched me,” he said after a minute, “and left. I’ve never seen him that mad. Not at me, anyway.”
“You were being kind of an ass. I almost punched you myself,” she admitted. “But my hands hurt and I need a manicure, so...” She shrugged and looked almost sweet for a moment.
“He’ll come back. Sometimes he feels things and I’m not sure he knows what to do with those feelings.”
“Feeling a lot of things today thanks to me,” Dick said morosely, reaching up to touch at the bruise forming on his jaw, “I don’t know how to explain this to him, Kate. I just...I needed to turn off for a second. The explosion, and then lying to him like that, seeing him so devastated. It was too much and I just kind of...” he snapped his fingers.
“You can’t do that, Dick,” she said, soft but resolute. “You can’t turn off. It’s not fair to us. You can’t shut us out like that.”
“I know.” He slid a flat, damp palm over his jean-covered thigh, fingers curling against his leg slightly, then relaxing again - an anxious tic. “I know it isn’t. I haven’t done it that badly in a long time, but I just have moments where...it’s like I can feel myself going crazy, like I’m watching it happen and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
Beckett laid her hand over his to still his fingers and give him just a little bit more contact. There was very little she could say. She’d already insisted that he not shut them out. Actually doing it was up to him.
“When he comes back, apologize,” she said. “I know he’s the one who hit you, but...you should apologize.”
“Right.” Dick looked down at her hand, slender fingers laced with his own. “I will. Of course I will.” He glanced up to meet her eyes for a moment. “Sure you’re not hungry?”
“I’m sure. They gave me a really delicious sandwich so I’d have food on my stomach for the pain pills,” she said dryly. “And you were right, you know. You can’t be bringing things in here. It’ll arouse suspicion. And when it’s safe to leave...I really don’t know where I’ll go. I can’t go to your place. Or Tereus’s. Or my dad’s. I just don’t know.”
“I have safe houses all over the city, Kate,” he murmured, “hidden, roof entrance only, security lock down, tamper proof safe houses.” Dick managed a weak smile and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“Okay,” she agreed. She realized he needed to do something for her. Feed her. Protect her. As much as she didn’t want to need protection, it was clear this had all gone too far. She had to quit being so stubborn.
“Okay.” Dick took a deep breath and lifted her hand to kiss it gently. “I have to go. Need to set up somewhere for you to stay and...a way to get you there. Not to mention I’ve now technically been sitting alone in this room for ten minutes.” Another weak smile, “luckily I look morose enough for it to be convincing as just...pathetic.”
He slid off the bed, turning to face her. “Are you sure you don’t want anything? I could let Hex know. He would have an excuse to come up here with pretty much anything.”
“I’m sure. I just want to not be sore and I want to not worry. I just want to get back to normal.”
The minutes were ticking by and she kept looking to the door. It never opened and she finally said softly, “Maybe you should go find him. I’m fine. Fine as I can be. He’s hurting.”
“I don’t know.” Dick rubbed at the back of his head, ruffling dark hair, “he’s never been that mad at me before. It’s sort of...uncharted waters for us both.” Maybe he would just go back to his apartment and wait it out, give the man a little time before going after him. “I’ll keep you updated, okay? Try and rest if you can. And call me if you need anything.”
